Lately, I've been coming to terms with my love of progressive rock. For those of you not in the know©, progressive rock was a musical movement that started in the 70's that tried to bring classical influences into rock and roll, making it more "artistic". For most bands, this meant replacing brass instruments with guitars and violins with the cheesiest keyboards imaginable. Examples of the genre include Yes, Rush, Genesis, King Crimson and Emerson, Lake & Palmer.

To be prog rock, a band must have at least three out of the following five qualities:

1. Epic 20-minute keyboard and/or flute solos

2. A drumset that contains at least 18 different pieces

3. Lyrics referencing Lord of the Rings, science fiction, or some kind of story about unicorns the bassist dreamed up in a peyote haze

4. A fanbase consisting of avid readers of this type of literature, who possibly spend their weekends holed up in the basement with a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew and at least four 20-sided dice

5. The most ridiculous goddamn fashion sense imaginable


Rick Wakeman of Yes in his natural habitat, displaying his brilliant plumage in an apparent mating ritual

Now, with such a set of features as that, who couldn't love progressive rock? But sadly, there are some out there who don't share the love of this wonderful music. They call it "gay", or "nerd music", or "really gay", or "What the fuck is this gay shit", or "too long", or "pretentious", or "Jesus Christ this is some really shitty music, what the hell is wrong with you."

But those of us in the know© know better. We know that it's not "pretentious", it's "artistic". It's not "gay", it's "delightfully flamboyant". It's not "nerd music", it's "intellectual". Here are some awesome videos to demonstrate what I mean:



This is the classic anti-conformity anthem "Freewill" by Libertarian Canadian power-trio Rush. Just look at the crowd! Despite the fact that he's a 6'2" vulture with a Donald Duck voice, bassist/singer Geddy Lee is a total badass! Rush is proof that the Canadians really know what they're doing, as if poutine wasn't a big enough clue already.



Finally, here is lesser known British prog band Camel, performing the epic "Rhayader/Rhayader Goes to Town" suite off of their classic album "The Snow Goose". Any song that opens with a flute solo automatically goes in my "Awesome shit" playlist, and this is no exception. Nevermind the fact that the lead guitarist/flutist looks like Bill Gates with an overbite, or that the band has pound-for-pound more mullets than a NASCAR convention, or the fact that they had a three-part suite about Gandalf the White on one of their early albums. Such display of talent!

I hope that by now I've managed to convince you just how great prog rock truly is - that is if you didn't love it already, which I'm sure you already did. If you want more, just check out any of the bands mentioned in Wikipedia's handy article on progressive rock. I guarantee you'll like it better than this "Indi(ana?) Rock" I've heard so much about!* Good night and good luck!

-DJ Megaman

* Not a guarantee.